I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
