Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
