I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I love having hate sex.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize