Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
