Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
