Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she told me i tasted like america
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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