I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
