Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
