in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
