If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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