U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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