he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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