honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
