capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
