I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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