I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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