dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
