I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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