walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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