Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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