I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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