My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
