We won't sleep together?
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
