Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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