he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
