she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
