i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I fill condoms, not promises.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
