Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
