My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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