If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
