I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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