Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
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asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
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Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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