dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
