It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
