if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
