I think my fart just growled at me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
