You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
