i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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