Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
