dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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