do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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