he thought i was a dude.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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