if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
