your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
