Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
