I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
