I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
