I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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