the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
babies were throwing up all over the place
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
