Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
