Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
