I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize