im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
