the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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