If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
