I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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