He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
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she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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