He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
