I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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