It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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