im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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