having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
