I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
