we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
