I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's official drugs can't kill me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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