in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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