Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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