"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
