I wish I could teleport
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
