I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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