I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
