apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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