Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
