Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I didn't notice because vodka
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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