My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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